Local masochist Jimothy Pudenda recently highlighted his extraordinary commitment to From Software’s seminal controller-destroy-em-up ‘Dark Souls’ by continuing his Speed Run record attempt even after a swarm of baby spiders commenced crawling into his dick hole.
Looking to shave a further 3.4 seconds off his current best time, Jimothy was racing up the steps of Anor Londo when the first of the 8 legged interlopers made their way into his sensitive urethra.
“OH! OH! MY DICK HOLE!” he grimaced as he artfully dodged his way between flurries of great bow bolts with a look of grim determination fixed onto his steely brow, “ARE THOSE SPIDERS!?!?!?!”
As the chitinous bodies of the arachnids burrowed deeper into his rapidly dwindling shaft Jimothy redoubled his efforts, crossing and uncrossing his legs frantically as hundreds of tiny teeth began gnawing at the inside of his grizzled love hammer.
“Oh man, ORNSTEIN AND SMOUGH AND GONNA GET REKT!” he wailed stoically before losing consciousness.
-Andi Lennon
Mongol Cult 